Feelings of failure.

There are some things that you should just -do- for your children, I always thought.  One was breastfeeding.  I swore up and down that I was going to keep doing it and do it forever.  I had it in my mind that I wouldn't stop until AT LEAST 9 months like I did with Madison, but I'd try for longer.  Honestly it's not the lack of time or anything that stopped me, but Lily's GER and the fact that I have to pump to feed her.  I was fine doing this, sitting hooked up to my contraption, but for whatever reason my production went way down and now I'm squeezing 7oz out a day when one feeding is 4-5.  I've tried my damn hardest to be consistant with it, bringing my pump with me where I go.  I went out and bought a ton of extra attachments to make it easy so I wasn't washing the one set I had 6 or 7 times a day.  I had an elaborate organization system for bottles to make sure that there was a good rotation in my fridge.  But now I just can't produce.  And my nipples are killing me from hooking myself up to the damn pump for 20 minutes to get an ounce every hour, if I even get that much.  I've been eating oatmeal and maple syrup and anything I see on websites.  20 glasses of water a day.  I sat there crying last night to the sweet soothing sound of my pump going, nothing coming out.  I try  pumping and letting the baby cry since her cry used to make me leak everywhere.  Nothing.  It's just not working and I have this guilty feeling that just won't go away.  I'm almost crying now as I sit here and write this out.  And it's not like we don't have the money for formula... I just want my baby to have the best and I promised myself and her that she'd have it and I can't make it.  It's a feeling of failure.