1am.

I should be sleeping, but with all of the things added to my day, I like to take this time where both of my children sleep soundly to do something for myself.  Read webcomics, check my facebook and have a conversation with my husband that doesn't include the words, "my nipples are falling off" or "ooh she pooped again."  I have a huge pile of laundry and a pile of hangers next to me that looks like it might come alive and eat us whole, but I think I'll get to it tomorrow.

Lily's jaundice isn't really going away.  I've been worried, but we're going back to the doctor tomorrow to see what to do about it.  The fact that she was awake a lot more today was very uplifting.  Mike set up her little floor gym thing and she stared at the mobile on it like it was the coolest thing in the world when the lights and music were going.  She's been feeding well (for her, not so much for me- hah) and pooping... a lot.  I think she's getting better.  I may ask to get the blood tests done anyway though just to get a solid answer on how to proceed.  

I was reading another blog today about how someone's 2 year old was speaking so wonderfully in full sentences that were amazing beyond belief.  And in spanish no less when I'm sure the child can speak english too.  It really  makes me wonder what it's like to have a "normal" child who hits all of their developmental benchmarks at the appropriate time.  The struggle we've gone through with Madison to get her on the right track with her speech and her sensory issues has been a rollercoaster.  And we see improvement with her, but she's still not quite there yet.  I know how she struggles from living with it myself.  I just hope all of the extra help we get her actually helps and she has a much better experience with her education than I had growing up.   It also makes me wonder how Lily is going to turn out, if she'll be in the same boat.  She's lucky her father didn't have these problems.  She has a chance.  It makes me feel terrible for Madison, like I messed her up.  She's a little mini-me.  I suppose though I couldn't help who I was, and she can't help who she is.  We'll just do the best we can.

Ugh, just had a coughing fit and my incision is killing me now.  I've been feeling fine for the most part, even walked around babies r us for a bit today, but in the car on the way home I did something as simple as sneezing and was reminded that I had major surgery under a week ago.  There are pros and cons to c-sections, but I'm not sure what I would have rather done.  I must say though, as much as I hurt now, Lily does have a beautifully shaped perfect little head.  Her pediatrician raves about it, haha. Unfortunately though, I'm not moving from this sofa until my advil kicks in and I can walk.  ... which makes me want to write more, but I don't really have much else to say on this fine evening.