My girls are perfect- others not so much.

Madison had her first session back at OT in the past two weeks and she was so excited to see Miss Alyssa.  Mike took her for the first time so he finally got to see the kinds of activities they work on with her and got some good pointers about what we can do at home to help her.  I usually get pointers too, but a lot of the time we end up talking about things like houses, engagements and babies, haha.  I guess girltalk takes over a lot of the time.  I'm going to be sad though when we don't go there anymore.  I was getting annoyed at the end of my pregnancy going there every week, but now that I'm not waddling I'd be much more tolerant.

Lily went to the doctor's today too.  The bad news is, she has a clogged tear duct.  The remedy for this is massaging it for 30 seconds a day and wiping some gook off of her eye every once in awhile.  The good news is that her jaundice is going away and I can continue to breast feed her!  This is good since it seems today breast feeding went much better and she's not ripping me apart anymore.

It seems that ever since Lily was born, and the more time I spend with her, Madison seems gigantic.  Mike was saying it's time for her to go out and get a job.  I'm of the mindset that she should at least be able to learn how to read first.  But really, her whole form is just so solid compared to the baby's.  Something like the way she feels in my arms has changed in the past week.  It's kind of bizarre.

I decided to invest in some new nursing tanks today.  I'm a fan of the nursing tank over the nursing bra mainly because when I lift my shirt up to breastfeed, I'm not exposing my stomach.  The tank has panels in it that let me whip one out and start to feed with little to no hassle.  The only annoying part about this is that like a sportsbra, the nursing tank has little ability to seperate the breasts so I always have one uniboob.  I bought two regular nursing bras though for outfits that require a certain look.

Anyway- on a different note... I'm going to rant for a little bit here.  I recently (this morning) dealt with a crazy person.  Do I love babies?  Of course I do.  Do I want to hug and kiss and love strangers babies just because they're so damn cute?  Of course.  Don't we all?  Now... since I've had major surgery, I've hardly had any visitors at my house that aren't related by blood like my mother, sister & crew, Mike's parents.  It was hard enough to get out of bed, let alone make myself look presentable to entertain company.  My closest friends that I talk to on a daily basis have only seen me once, let alone people that I was friends with for a few months back in freshman year of college.  Now, the girl was nice enough, but unfortunately for her she got in touch with me during a time in my life where I wasn't really open to making new friends.  I was eight months pregnant, nine months pregnant, tired, cranky, running around after a three year old, nesting like a madwoman, hormonal as hell.  I didn't want to go out or really do much entertaining in my house.  When someone you don't know that well comes over, you tend to feel you need to do more for them.  If my closest friends see me without a bra, I don't care.  I know them well enough to feel confident that they don't care if my breasts are down to my belly button.  Would she have cared?  Maybe not.  But it's also about feeling good about yourself and not wanting people to see you in a certain way.  In addition to this, she started facebook stalking me, calling me out if something I said slightly contradicted something I told her, friending my friends, friending their friends, asking my friends that she never had met to call her to chat on the phone in the middle of the night.  I tried hard to keep an open mind, hoping that maybe she was just anxious to make new friends and not crazy, invited her over a few times all of which she happened to be busy for.  Well, back to being home from the hospital.  She keeps asking me if I want company.  During the day, honestly... no.  I don't want company.  I'm half asleep, I'm a mess, I'm recovering from a major surgery which feels worst in the morning after being still all night and drugs wearing off.  Today she goes, "Want to hang out?"  I tell her that I need to bring both girls to doctor appointments (Madison had to go to OT, Lily to her pediatrician).  She answers me with a drama bomb, "I get it you don't want to be friends."  Normally I'd try and be nice and argue that that wasn't the case, that things are crazy right now, I had a particularly busy day scheduled, but I had a baby on my boob so I just told her I wasn't going to argue. I had major surgery a week ago, I have a new baby at home, I'm sorry that I didn't try harder to not hurt her feelings?  She continues to tell me I'm white trash, I live in a barn, I'm a c*** and I should piss off and lose her number.  Well, for how terrible I am she sure did go through great lengths to try and hang out with me.  I said good luck dealing with her crazy.  I mean, not once did she ever really say "congratulations on the new baby."  I posted a picture up on facebook and she says "I want to come over."  I get it, you want to come over.  I'll invite you over when I'm ready for company.  I really don't feel like exposing people I haven't really been great friends with in the past 8 years to my messy living room filled with laundry I have yet to fold, my boobs hanging out all the time, etc.  Am I being a bitch here?  I don't think I am.  I do feel bad though that it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  I admittedly had been annoyed with her over the little things, but today just proved that I wasn't wrong.  I tend to try and see the better in people and ignore the stuff that points to "CRAZY," in the end bring me much drama and heartache.  Even now after being called a white trash c*** I still feel bad that she was under the impression that I didn't want to be friends at all.  I mean, you can ask people.  I kept saying  I felt terrible that I hadn't put time aside to build on the friendship yet- I just wasn't in a time of my life to want to work at it, especially with all of the little things that flashed the warning sign.  I don't know why I'm writing this rant about it though.  This is just one of those things you keep thinking about for days if you don't talk about it.  I forgot how therapeutic blogging could be.

Well- there's a beetle in my house that needs to be let out of my house so Madison comes out from hiding under blankets scared of it.  I also need to figure out what to do about the ladybugs in my house.  I've been finding baby ladybugs all over the place.  They're going to grow up and infest my house.  Ladybugs are great and pretty on branches outside, but invading my home, dying all over my stuff?  No thanks.